To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.
If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining.
But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.
If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.
If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.
Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.
Sincerely, The CAT


Long Living


A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.
When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

No Pets Allowed


Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll.  One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua.  As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to drink."
The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there.  We've got dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the restaurant and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the restaurant.
The waiter at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."
The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand.  This is my Seeing-Eye dog."
The waiter said, "A Doberman pincher?"
The man said, "Yes, they're using them now.  They're very good."
The waiter said, "OK then, come on in."
The buddy with the Chihuahua figured he'd try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the restaurant.  He knew his story would be a bit more unbelievable.  Once again the waiter said, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."
The man with the Chihuahua said, "You don't understand.  This is my Seeing-Eye dog."
The waiter said, "A Chihuahua?"
The man with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua?!?  A Chihuahua?!?
They gave me a Chihuahua??


As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her
 husband's ranch near Snowflake.  She put a shoe box on a shelf
in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it.
For fifty years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was

old and dying.  One day when he was putting their affairs in
order, he found the box again and thought it might hold
something important.

Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash. 
He took the box to her and asked about the contents. 
"My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained.

"She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every
time I got mad at you."
Uncle Jack was very touched that in
50 years she'd only been mad at him twice.

"What's the $82,500 for?" he asked.

"Oh, that's the money I made selling the doilies."